Medieval Big Brother

If we had been given exclusive access to the life of a Lord and Lady of the castle we would definitely like it to be shot in true Orwellian fashion! But since we have no such access to these people and we are about 56 years too late to know what George Orwell would think…we have settled for the Channel 4 version..yes that’s right…here is Medieval Big Brother!

BB: Lord Bendtner is in the diary room

lord bendtner

BB: Hello Nicklas

Lord Bendtner: It’s Lord Bendtner!!!

BB: Sorry! Lord Bendtner! What’s your daily routine in the castle?

Lord Bendtner: I had to organise all my daily business of the castle. There has been talks of a coup in the bailey, something to do with me being brilliant and everybody is jealous!…so I need to sort that out ASAP

BB: What is your relationship to the King?

Lord Bendtner: Who? King Arsene? Until the day I become King I guess I am his Vassal. I had to promise him last year that I would fight for him and support him. It’s the reason I got this huge fiefdom (land granted to Lords by Kings).

BB: What is it like controlling such a fiefdom?

Lord Bendtner: It’s not easy I can tell you. I have just rented Highbury to some new knights who have come to join the kingdom.

BB: What do you do for fun?

Lord Bendtner: There are lots of things happening around this place. Yesterday I went hunting with some Lords. I am meeting them again for hawking this evening and at the weekend, I am introducing the new knights in the jousting tournament! I need to make sure that they are in peak fighting condition should a war start.

Lord Bendtner: I better go, I am holding court today to settle a dispute over who invented some game! “Foot-ball” or something! it will never catch on!

I don’t know why they are famous or even can I tell them apart but anyone of them “celebs” would do for this spot

BB: Lady Kardashian is in the diary room


BB: Hello Kim?

Kim?: Hi Big Brother

BB: Tell us about your role in the castle

Kim?: Well I have been married off by my father/mother/father? to a wealthy noble. I don’t love him or anything!! It was the right match for my family. When I was married off, my father provided gifts for me to take to my new lord, we call it my dowry

BB: What is your daily routine in the castle?

Kim?: Now that I am a lady I have to help with the running of the castle. I am in charge of the stores, the baking, the brewing and the cellar. I don’t do the work myself of course!! I am much too important for manual labour. I have my servants do it for me while I order them around.

BB: What do you do in your spare time?

Kim?: I like to spin flax and wool for thread with other ladies. I enjoy the odd gossip also. I take pride in seeing to my daughter’s education also

BB: Dennis is in the diary room


BB: Hello Dennis

Dennis: Who’s that?

BB: Can you tell us your living conditions?

Dennis: Well, I live in a small house in the village. It is made from a timber frame and the walls are made of wattle and daub. The roof is thatched and I have a small plot of land outside to grow vegetables. There are 2 rooms in the house, one for my family and one for my animals. The room is always dark and smoky from the open fire and candles.

BB: Who gave you the land?

Dennis: We rented the land off our Lord…Bendtner. There are 2 types of peasants you know? Freemen and serfs. I’m a freeman. I pay rent for the land but I can move away from here any time I like. Unfortunately, serfs are not free. I hear they have to ask permission from the Lord even if they are to travel to the next town. That’s because the last serf who went, was caught trying to escape! He was unlucky but I have heard stories that if you can go without being caught for a year and a were deemed a ‘freeman’. Don’t say anything but that was me..ssshhh!

BB: What is work like?

Dennis: Work is hard. All us peasants have to work the land. At certain times in the year we have to work on the lord’s demesne. We have to help with ploughing, sowing and harvesting. We also have to give them a tithe! This is one tenth of our produce to the parish priest…disgraceful!

Let’s just hope Dennis doesn’t find out about movable printed type! (sorry in advance for bad video quality)

So there you go! A Big Brother view of the life of a Lord and Lady in a castle and even a peasant…exciting stuff huh?

For more information on the Middle Ages, check out other blogs on this site.

Can’t end this one without a quick video of himself..Here is Lord Bendtner at his very finest!


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